An Emily Story: Chapter 2

This is one of those stories I won't ever tell my mother. The reasoning behind this is that she'll undoubtedly say "...where did I go wrong?"

I can tell YOU this story though because you didn't raise me so you don't feel responsibility.

I'd like to begin by stating that the Galleria parking lot is not a parking lot. It is an obstacle course. I believe it was created to challenge critical thinking skills, as well as to practice maneuvering a large object through small spaces without hitting anything of value.

That said, today I failed this challenge.

Let's start at the beginning. I decided to make a quick trip to the Galleria today. As usual finding a parking spot was quite a challenge, but I managed to get one fairly close to the front. I rejoiced in my find, and went inside.

An hour later I walked out, got into my car, and prepared to exit. This preparation takes some time. I had to quickly buckle my seat belt (because the dinging noise drives me crazy), connect my iPod & select the correct "driving home from the Galleria on a Saturday afternoon" song, put my sunglasses on, put my cell phone in it's holder and finally put my car into reverse.

If you've ever been to the Galleria before you understand it isn't as simple as putting the car in reverse and backing out. No, nooo. There's always something behind you.

Today a woman had stopped to light up directly behind my car. No big, I'd wait. Too bad she dropped the lighter, had to pick it back up, FINALLY light it and then mosey along on her way.

Sweet, my turn.

Nope. Here comes a stroller.

Now strollers are really challenging. With other "non stroller" obstacles you can sometimes find a way around so that you get to leave first. No such luck with a stroller...there is no "easy out" you absolutely have to stop and wait. Think of the children...

Ok, thinking of the children. Waiting.

Shoot.
This little bundle of joy decided to throw it's pacifier.

Under my car.

So of course mommy dear had to get down on her hands and knees and retrieve the pacifier. Baby was screaming and for the sake of mommy's nerves she had to give it back as quickly as possible. This required mommy dear standing behind my car cleaning the pacifier so she could silence a fore mentioned bundle of joy.

Ok, baby is happy, mommy has moved. I've swallowed my impatience it's my turn to go. I begin to back out and have to slam on my breaks because this goes flying past me...

...and pulls into the parking space to my left.

At this point I am doubting that there is any good in the world and am cursing all of mankind in general...

I check left.
The gangsters that just pulled in beside me are rocking their stunner shades & blasting rap, but still sitting in their car.

I check right.

All clear.

We good.
I am determined to get out of that space.
I start backing out. I begin to feel great triumph as I'm almost out of that darn space when all of a sudden I feel a slight bump.

Not a large bump mind you, just small enough to barely be noticed. Similar to if you step on a rock and feel it through your shoe.

I slam on the breaks (again) and look around, slightly alarmed, but mostly curious.

I'd like to take this moment to tell you that stunner shades are all show, and not actually useful in covering your eyes.

On that note, I made eye contact with a gangster fellow whose mouth was gaping open. At this point I'm very confused and don't understand what that slight bump was.

He looked like this


Realization hit me. I'd run over homeboy's foot.

I looked like this



Now this eye contact and whirl of thoughts only lasted a split second.
The gangster regained his composure, grabbed his foot, looked at it, and went inside the mall. His thug buddy laughed, and swaggered in after him.

I was a little stunned. I had never before considered what emotion to feel upon running over a gangster...

So I drove away.